I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
