Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
