a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
