1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
