He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
