Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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