I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
