yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
