Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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