I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
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He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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