Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
