Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
