I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
