anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Randomize
