the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
