I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
