We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
