I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
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I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
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how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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