You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
