I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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