i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
