it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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