I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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