Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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