My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
