Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
