you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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