he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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