I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
im six kinds of drunk right now
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm too high and old for this...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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