A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
