Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
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This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
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I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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