This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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