between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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