why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
