Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
false alarm. still invincible.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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