4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
