I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You ruined the universe
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
