I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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