I think I won the penis lottery.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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