ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
do herpes really smell.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
