You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
