Define "chronic" masturbator.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
