It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize