My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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