Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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