Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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