just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
