So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
