I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
