don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
But theres a keg here and me gusta
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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