Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
