He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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