I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
