I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
