I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
