Porn is love you can see.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
did i just pee glitter
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
