I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
