there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
