Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
