I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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