Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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