we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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