just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
