My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
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After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
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I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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