It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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