i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
