it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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