If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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